theophiliacs

I’ve discovered a recent fad in certain Christian circles; a particular sub-culture, namely Meathead Christians.  You may have noticed these oafs lounging in front of a TV, sipping a Mountain Dew, wearing the jersey of their favorite player (known to run as high as $80 these jerseys) and baggy Old Navy carpenter pants.  You can usually count on them being in at least three fantasy football leagues and they can quote statistics faster than the 23rd Psalm.  All of this is relatively harmless in itself I suppose, but the problem as I see it is that this sub-culture, Meathead Christianity, is seeping into many of our churches.  It is visible in certain institutions that have “small groups” where not only might there be a Bible study but also a fantasy football league, and some churches even time their services in such a way as to make sure that people will be able to make it home in time for the game.  Sadly, I’ve even seen pastors themselves preaching their morning sermon in jeans…carpenter jeans.

In all this, where is the Gospel?  I fear that Meathead Christianity is becoming indistinguishable from how we present the Gospel in our churches.  I mean, I know that there is no culture free zone, and that we’re always situated, but as a young, restless and Reformed Christian trying to maintain street cred with the likes of D.A. Carson I feel that the time has come for me to spend thousands of dollars creating an elaborate website tracing the obscure history and rise of Meathead Christianity.  This website will have at least three pages dedicated to the various types of Meathead Christians, and by this I mean dividing them up into categories of “stupid,” more stupid,” and “rich.”  Several months after I debut this site it will be announced that I have a huge book deal with Zondervan to write a book dedicated to my ever increasing fear that the Gospel is being compromised by Meathead Christians.

I also have an interview with a known MC that I hope will elucidate this problem:

Me – Greetings, Hunter.

Meathead – yeah, uhhhh, hi.

Me – So Meathead…

MH – Hunter

Me – right.  As I was saying Hunter, when did you start identifying as a Meathead?

MH – Wait, what?  I’m not a Meathead.

Me – Ah yes, denying that one is a Meathead is a classic sign that one is in fact, undeniably a Meathead.  So Hunter, what are some of your favorite bands?

MH – Well I like Casting Crowns…

Me – hhhmmm…

MH – and Creed…

Me – AAAaaahhhh….

MH – and sometimes I admit I even listen to Nickelback.

Me – HAH!  Meathead.  Tell me Meathead…

MH – Hunter!

Me – Hunter…tell me Hunter, are those baggy carpenter jeans?

MH – huh?

Me – and are those in fact Nike Courtair Ballistech 2.2 tennis shoes?

MH – yep, got ‘em at Footlocker

Me – *psha* predictable.  Do you like Brett Favre?

MH – I’d really like to know where this is going.

And it continued very much the same way.  Plainly, on account of his shoes, his pants, where he shops, what music he listens to, what football players he likes, it should no longer need explaining that Meathead Christianity is…in fact…simply trying to be cool among fantasy sports players and high school jocks.

What we need to do is make sure that we’re preaching just the Gospel and not worry about trying to be “cool,” or with the “in” or “jock” crowd.  This is all a huge distraction from the real task at hand, bitching about “emergents” and promoting the Gospel as properly proclaimed by Wayne Grudem, D.A. Carson, John Piper, Mark Driscoll, Kevin DeYoung and Al Mohler.