A Conversation Between Me and Zosima
May 9, 2009
Last night I was paging through my old journals from last year when I found some notes for a story I wanted to write about me visiting The Elder Zosima from Dostoevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov. If you’ll allow me brief reprieve from our perpetual sexuality debates, I’d like to post a conversation from this story. I’d completely forgotten about this entry but I do remember what I was going through around this time.
Originally written July 17, 2008
Linus threw his prayer book down where it slapped the stone floor decidedly. At the same time he stood with a sigh of desperation, running both hands first through his hair, then over his face. He wandered around in circles hurriedly. After a moment, he spoke in an impassioned hiss:
“I will not just waltz up to some starving, bloated stomach, half-conscious Roma boy, wipe the flies from his ears and whisper that God has a fucking plan for his life,” Linus was breathing heavily and waving his arms at no one in particular, “cuz he’ll want to know what that plan is, and I’ll have to tell him that God wants him to writhe in hunger pains, watch his sister get raped, and then die before his fucking fifth birthday!”
Zosima sat still, following Linus with his eyes, only raising his eyebrows in surprise from his student’s sudden change in demeanor.
“It’s all bullshit.” Linus whined in defeat before slumping back into the pew. He stared at his palm for a moment, then noticed the hymnal on the floor. “I’m sorry I threw your book.”
Zosima responded in an even tone, without moving his position. “You have every right to be angry, and no one would disagree with you that that boy is suffering. I wonder though, if you use him, even now in that pitiable position, to get your own justice.”
“What do you mean?”
“Answer me honestly,” Zosima responded still evenly without a hint of condemnation, “What makes you more angry: the plight of that gypsy boy or the “bullshit” expectations you had for your own life?”
Tony Hunt
jstambaugh
Shawn Wamsley
May 9, 2009 at 14:38
Great!
But, it fails to conform to the standard self-indulgent length of posts on our blog. You must make it longer!
May 9, 2009 at 17:46
and its not sexy … make it sexy
May 9, 2009 at 21:58
i hesitate to write anything here as my puny thought processes can in no way begin to match the level of intellect that i read on the occasional visit to this blog (that is not sarcasm… i’m being honest)… but this was great Reed. Could you post the whole story, or is it not finished?
May 9, 2009 at 22:59
Unfortunately Summer this excerpt is basically all that exists of this story other than a few notes about a possible outline. Most of my stories never get written, actually, but just writing the outline can help me work through things sometimes.
Also, don’t sell your thoughts short. The only difference between the writers on this blog and anyone else are 2 or 3 good books and an unhealthy obsession with discussing how best to ask each other questions about them.
May 10, 2009 at 10:03
Do we really need so many F-bombs in such a short post?
May 10, 2009 at 18:21
I never curse casually, George. I can assure you these were absolutely necessary.
May 10, 2009 at 20:38
Summer!
I didn’t know you read our site. That’s great. And Reed’s right, just get a 1st year theological vocabulary and fit normal pseudo-theology into the big words.
May 10, 2009 at 21:26
Okey dokey.
May 10, 2009 at 21:45
… never? Or just not on this website?
May 11, 2009 at 9:33
Great story Reed. I appreciate your use of the word fuck. The use of “vulgarity” can be a way of standing in solidarity with the “vulgar,” i.e. the poor and suffering.
May 11, 2009 at 11:14
On that logic, the use of bullsh** is a way of standing in solidarity with cows.
May 11, 2009 at 11:14
lol
May 11, 2009 at 11:28
George,
So, do those two asterisks really mean you didn’t type the word? Seriously, sheesh.
James,
You might as well be trying to sell snow in Alaska, if you think your going to convince some with that argument. Though, I’ll reference our many conversations about the prophets and translations of the Old Testament that have not been screened by censors as a tentative agreement with you in theory.
May 11, 2009 at 11:42
What? The asterixes didn’t save me? I guess I’m going to he** for now sure.
May 11, 2009 at 12:24
*** ***** **** *** **** ***** ** ***!
May 11, 2009 at 12:57
Tony,
It isn’t polite to tease.
Or is this like hangman or something?
Is there a “U”?
May 11, 2009 at 13:19
*** ***** **** *** *U** ***** ** U**!
May 11, 2009 at 13:52
How bout’ an “H”?
May 11, 2009 at 14:02
*H* ***** *H** *H* *U** ***** ** U**!
May 11, 2009 at 14:04
Hmmm.
How bout’ an “s”
May 11, 2009 at 14:07
*H* ****S *H** *H* *U** ****S ** US*!
May 11, 2009 at 14:13
“T”?
May 11, 2009 at 14:44
*H* ****S *H*T TH* *U** ****S ** US*!
May 11, 2009 at 14:55
Ha, this string of comments is thoroughly entertaining!
Reed: Thank you and while I’m sad about the full stories lack of existence, I definitely understand the writing pieces to work through something as I often do the same thing…
I also love your satirical pieces, so feel free to post more of those as frequently as possible for my sake, jk 
Tony: Yes actually I’ve had your site saved as a “favorite” for quite some time now. I don’t always understand everything I read but it’s certainly fun trying.
May 12, 2009 at 9:17
sorry about not following through on our game of hang-man, I had to go make presentations at an academic awards ceremony.
May 12, 2009 at 9:24
That’s cool, there’s only one swear word anyway.